...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
