i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
