They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Randomize