Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
