Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Randomize
