hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Randomize
