Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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