if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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