Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
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