lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
