whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
cat food counts as protein by the way
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Randomize
