i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
