I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
