good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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