Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
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