Already got asked if we're dating
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
