yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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