Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Randomize
