Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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