i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
3pm strippers are depressing
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
