This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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