I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
