Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
