I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
