dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
i will never coherently bang her
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
