please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
3 2 1 whiskey
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
