I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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