Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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