He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
