so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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