There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
