Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
