so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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