the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
We're hate flirting, damnit.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
