apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
