omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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