at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
