I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Randomize
