We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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