last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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