I got chris browned last night
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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