I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
We were destined to go to rehab together
It was a blind-side dick pic.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
