I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
