No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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