okay pat passed out under dana's car
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
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