Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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