Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
