I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
