My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
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