That's when you crack a 10am beer
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
