My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
pop tarts are not kleenex
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
