pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
