remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
This beer is not sobering me up at all
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize