ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
