I got chris browned last night
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
as a side note pls kill me
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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