You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
