I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
