"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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