hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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