im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
