so let's talk penis.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
