I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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