capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
