ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
