How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Randomize
