Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
