My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
