i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
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