Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
