I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
