i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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