I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Duck Duck Cougar?
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize