You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Randomize