once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
