so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Just cropdusted the office
where does the pee come out of this thing
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
