I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
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