dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
