I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
