just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
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