Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
