He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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