remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
