i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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