Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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