wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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