The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
i think my tv is drunk
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Randomize