True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I enjoy the company of your penis
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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