Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
