I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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