he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize