I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
