Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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