Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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